Edward's Fat Ego
by melting gold
Summary: What happens when everyone is busy and Bella has to distract Edward? Major fluff. Oneshot.


**BPoV**

"Aww! Make it stop!" Cried Edward.

What's he talking about? Stop what? Oh yeah, my boyfriend's a mind reader. I wonder what everyone else is thinking…

"Make what stop?" I questioned.

"Can't you hear all the noise they're making? And their thoughts…"

I was at the Cullen mansion; more specifically sitting on Edward's newly purchased king sized bed. Every couple is in their own room. I don't want to know what they're thinking and doing. Gross! I don't hear any noise. Or any thoughts for that matter. It just feels like a minor earthquake has taken over Forks… Probably Emmet and Rosalie. Eww! I got to stop thinking about this. Poor Edward!

"Do you know what bra size Esme has?" He was clearly frustrated.

"No. Should I?"

"No you shouldn't. And neither should I for that matter! I'm not supposted to see my mother in that context!" OK, he's more likely angry. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed (that is if he could sleep).

"Distract me….please!" Wow! That caught me off guard. He must be really desperate!

"Go play your piano or something." I hate it when he begins whining about his family members.

"No! I want you to distract me." Someone's grumpy today… What does he want me to do? Kiss him to death (no pun intended) so he would be distracted from other people's private thoughts… Hey! I like that idea. Now that I think about it, it's been a while since we kissed- exactly (looks at watch)… 2 hours and 11 minutes! That's got to be some kind of record!

"Have you noticed that I'm always the distracter? How come you never distract me?" I have to play hard to get so he wouldn't know that the thoughts running in my head aren't exactly G rated.

"You never asked", he replied, rolling his eyes. "Plus I do it subconsciously." He leaned, to dazzle me no doubt. He's a good sucker-upper- I'll give him that. I leaned in too but he pulled away- cheater! I want my kiss! Fine, I'll get it out of him by force.

"Fine, I'll distract you", I said grumpily, not that I actually minded. I mean, any girl would pay to distract Edward Cullen and I was doing it for free!

"Thank you! I knew you couldn't turn me down!" He grinned. Stupid- handsome- know it all bastard!

"And why is that exactly?" My god, he's full of himself! Someone needs to get him back down to earth- not that he isn't right!

"Because…" He's stalling. "…I'm the all-famous Edward Cullen." He smiled his crooked smile, pleased with his comeback.

"Yeah, with that all-famous ego!" Time to bring him down from cloud nine. I rolled my eyes.

"I wonder where you keep it all…" I kept on going cuz I saw how annoyed he was. It was so fun to annoy him. After all the times he laughs at my behalf and my clumsiness- I deserve this! "That must be why you're fat! To store all that fat ego of yours." Oh oh, I think I went a tad too far. He doesn't seem mad…yet. Maybe he's just in shock!

**EPoV**

Did she just call me fat? I don't think she did…Did she? What happened to my pure, sweet, innocent Bella?

"I'm not fat, I'm perfect" I countered. Maybe I was a little over confident but oh well. I know for a fact that she likes my looks. The number of times I made her stutter just proves it!

"Maybe you're perfect just for me!" There returns my sweet Bella.

"But that still doesn't change the fact that you are a bit overweight…" Trying to be clever, are we? Two can play at this game!

I pulled off my shirt and smugly asked her to: "Show me my fat!"

**BPoV**

OH my god! He just pulled his shirt off! And I was just kidding about the obese part. He has the most amazing abs ever! (Not that I've seen that many but you get my drift…) And I'm starring at him. I'm starring at a god after calling him fat! I'm in for it now. But I might as well enjoy it while I can.

"W-e-well… see here…and there. Look at all those lumps." You can tell he wasn't convinced so I started touching his supposed fat- meaning his entire abs.

**EPoV**

She was trying to prove her point but she could barely get out a coherent sentence. How I loved having this affect on her!

She's touching me all over, leaving a warm trail behind. Why didn't I kiss her before? Man, I'm an idiot! I can't handle this…but it feels so good. Maybe just for a little while.

**BPoV**

I'm blushing like crazy.

"Lookie here… six very hard pieces of fat!" I said, skimming my hand over his cold six-pack. And I thought only jocks had six-packs. Though he is fitter than all of them added together. I can't believe I'm doing this. Where did this boost of courage come from? "You know, if the fat hardens it becomes harder to remove it."

"Is that so?" He asked, chuckling and shaking the whole bed. I moved my hands up to his chest and separated them so each hand roamed over a different arm.

"Umm…" I can't even get a word out. Great…just great… (Note the sarcasm!)

**EPoV**

Her hands are so warm. What's this? She's changing her sitting position. Now she's straddling me like she's not going to let me go. Like I want to go anywhere when she's touching me like that! It seems that her blush is going to be permanent. Not that I mind… but I think she will.

This is so magical yet so simple. I can't even remember how this whole thing started or why I was so frustrated before. She has that much effect on me!

"I love you" I murmured to her hair.

"Ditto" She replied, too caught up in her actions.

**BPoV**

I looked up at Edward and into his beautiful topaz eyes. He seems in control, so serene. I wish we could stay like this forever. I'm getting lost in his gaze. I have to stop.

**EPoV**

She leans in and I lower my head to get to her eye level. I can't keep my eyes off her face- her hair, her eyes, her lips…her cherry colored lips.

I raise my hand to swipe a strand of hair from her eyes. I pull my hand away and press her to me, lying on the bed. All of her weight is on top of me but she feels as light as a feather.

What is she doing? Kissing my shoulder, my neck, my cheeks…Oh just get to my mouth already! She finally does.

**BPoV**

What happened to all our boundaries? Oh well, it's more fun this way! I can't help but tangle my fingers in his bronze locks. He's so beautiful! He just pressed me closer and I can't help but snuggle in deeper into his chest.

After a while we broke apart, both of us panting and out of breath (not that he needs to breathe anyways).

**EPoV**

"So what were you saying about me being fat?" I casually asked.

"I lied" She sighed and started kissing me again. Well I guess I could forgive her this time, just because she's kissing me thoroughly.

We finally broke apart.

**BPoV**

That was the best kiss ever. But he broke me down- I confessed. Man, I'm so weak! Though it's not like I can help it. Him sounding so seductive and all (even if that's his natural tone).

Wait a minute, I broke him down first!

I smiled.

**EPoV**

Why is she grinning like an idiot?

"What's so amusing?" I asked as she burst out laughing.

She just confessed she lied and now she's laughing her head off? Is my Bella bipolar or something? Maybe I shouldn't have forgiven her so soon.

"I won!" she simply answered.

"Won what?"

"I got my kiss!" she smiled. "And…you still have a very fat ego!"


End file.
